It’s been 3 months since I last watched a Star Wars movie. It’s been challenging sitting down to watch one of my favourite movie franchises tonight. No I’m not watching The Phantom Menace but these movies are more than movies to me.
3 months ago my father passed away and Star Wars was our films we always went to see in the cinema, before Marvel movies became part of them. One of my earliest memories was watching Return of the Jedi in the cinema with Dad. I remember sitting laughing at the ewok on the speeder bike is what I remember. This is why it’s my favourite Star Wars movie is because of the memories! When they brought out the prequels Dad and I would always go to see them. Heck we even went to a midnight showing for Revenge of the Sith which is currently on my tv.
With the new ones like The Force Awakens and Rogue One we went and watched them. We got excited watching the trailers for the upcoming movies and Dad was always excited to see them which made me more excited. Although this wasn’t without its flaws…after watching the trailer for The Last Jedi, Dad said “oh Finn is in it?” Yes Dad of course he is…”oh I thought he was dead” something that made me laugh. When the new one came out, I watched it and immediately got up to go into the living room to show Dad…he wasn’t here anymore. That was my first reaction was to go and show it to someone I know would almost..almost be excited as I am to see it. I wasn’t going to see them with my parent, I was seeing them with my best friend. The journey home was always fun as I would see what questions he would have and what he thought of the movies. Even when we had the sky movie channels, he would have the Star Wars channel on. With me being such a fan, I could mention the next line and get a look as if to say “have you nothing better to remember?”
Star Wars will always be a set of movies that are timeless and even more so the music. The few bars of the Imperial March or the beautiful music of Han and Leia can envoys so many memories and Revenge of the Sith is my favourite movie soundtrack ever! Even with The Force Awakens, some music sparks an emotional response. The aptly named “Torn Apart” where father and son are together and then…well if you’ve seen it you know, the music just helps play things in your mind. Like you’re putting your own movie ontop of that music.
I remember sitting with Dad and when Obi-Wan gives Luke to Beru and she stands beside Lars on Tattoine I had a sudden thought “I’ll never see another Star Wars film for the first time again” and I cried. My favourite saga at that time in 2005 was done and dusted. Now we get them every year but dad was always sceptical of the Han Solo one. “Harrison Ford is Han Solo and that’s that!”
I’ve been fortunate enough to meet Anthony Daniels (C3-P0) Ian McDiarmid (The Emperor) and Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) who Dad always commented how much he loved the photo of me and him and thank them for helping creating memories for me and even having my sense of closure with Dad passing. Dad was so excited that I was meeting Ian McDiarmid and he never got to hear the story of how wonderful Ian was to meet. I was able to talk to Ian about Dad and say how excited he was that I would be meeting the emperor. I was surprised that when I was basically pouring my heart out to Ian about Dad, I didn’t break down. I wore a Star Wars shirt I bought dad to bring a piece of him with me. All my photos from Saturday at LFCC 17 have me sporting a white Star Wars polo shirt as you can see with my photo I got with Ian.
In a few months The Last Jedi comes out and while I’m excited to see it, I feel that something will be missing. That’s to create more memories with Dad and seeing it without him won’t be the same. I’ll be going with friends for sure but when someone you’ve gone with and seen near enough all of them and they’re not there anymore…it’s heartbreaking. Even when I was able to put a note on dads flowers I wrote
“Who am I going to see Star Wars with now? Words cannot express how thankful I am to all you’ve done for me. May the force be with you and I love you”
That’s how much Star Wars means to me. I’ve talked to many friends about Star Wars and it’s one of those things that as stupid as it sounds, it’s there for you whenever you need it. To get swept up in another world and enjoy the characters you’ve grown up with very much like some people around you. No matter what you need it’s there, never judging but has something to help you in spite of what you’re feeling.
As long as I keep watching Star Wars and enjoying the fandom, like a Force ghost, I know I’ll never lose or forget the person who introduced me to this wonderful franchise and more importantly my Obi Wan, my wise bearded protector who was always looking after me and will continue to do that even after he’s gone.
May the force be with you all!
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